Christmas Day stress peaks around 12:56. I wonder what you notice in your house?
Last Christmas we had one child in their pants and one wearing swimming goggles at the dinner table. Did it matter? Not one bit! This is why I encourage my clients to identify what matters to them this Christmas and let the rest go. We are all sensory beings with the potential to trigger each other's nervous systems so getting clarity about your family's sensory preferences is pivotal to planning a low-demand, safe and inclusive Christmas.
Christmas dinner is often the 'main event' and there can be huge expectations, which both adults and children find too much, especially neurodivergent ones. Flashing lights, guests, surprises, unfamiliar smells, being out of routine, new clothes or too much noise can be dysregulating for any nervous system. What do you want Christmas dinner to feel like in your house?
10 top tips for planning Christmas dinner:
1 . Be clear about your expectations, be consistent and where necessary use visuals to support them. It might be you'd like your child to sit at the table for the main course and you set a visual timer for 15 minutes. You might provide the options of sitting or standing in a particular area but they are free to move. You decide you will stay until 5 but then you will leave. What is different when you set clear expectations?
2. Share expectations with guests or the host. Sometimes other family members might get involved and try to police behaviours or force your child to eat. Having clear boundaries beforehand will help. They could sound like, " I'd like Sophie to come and join us at the table for 15 minutes but when she has finished I will encourage her to get down." "Fred finds eating some of these food tricky so I'll let him choose what goes on his plate and he will tell me when he is full." What is different when expectations are communicated?
3. Shift the focus. Don't let food dominate the whole mealtime play games at the table or read stories. What do you notice when mealtimes become playful?
4. Choose foods you know they will like and are familiar with. Through the years we've been playing detective and exploring new foods and found a family-friendly roast that everyone likes. Now trialling some seasonal additions, which usually get rejected but it's worth the exploration as cauliflower cheese is now a firm favourite. Supermarket magazines and recipe books give plenty of inspiration, we discuss what we like the look of without the pressure to eat. Getting them involved in the cooking increases their motivation to try new things and helps reduce anxiety as they know what the ingredients are. What is different when children's preferences are valued?
5. Check the temperature of the room. When there are lots of people, ovens, and central heating blasting, it can get quite hot and overwhelming. If you or your child is triggered by this, be mindful and open windows, turn the thermostat down or dress lightly. What do you notice when you tune into your body?
6. Include movement breaks. Ask the children to help clear the plates or serve the next course. Allow them to move around whilst others chat. Build in time for games between courses. What might your child need?
7. Be clear about how long the children need to sit at the table. Be realistic regarding their age and any needs your child has. You might want to look at the seating options and make sure your child is seated with back and foot support. What adaptation might support your child to be included at the table?
8. The smell of Christmas dinner cooking might be triggering for some. How can you reduce the time they are exposed? How can you mask or remove smells they find unpleasant? What do you notice when you accommodate those with olfactory sensitivities?
9. Consider ALL the sensory input they might find challenging. Can you make their space clear of decorations or flashing lights? Can you turn down the music? If they dislike the bang from crackers, can you pull them before they arrive? Where would they like to be placed? Would an open window help? What do you notice when you reduce the sensory triggers? What do you notice when needs are accommodated?
10. Have an action or word your child can say if they feel overwhelmed. When they use it, help them to find a space they feel calm and reset. What would that safe space look like?
Finally, what does your Christmas dinner look like normally?
What adjustments can you make to support your own or the needs of your guests this Christmas?
For more ideas to set you up for a calmer Christmas check out:
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If you'd like to spend time looking at ways to decrease that sense of overwhelm and dysregulation in your self or home as we start 2024, I'd love to offer you a free discovery call to see how coaching can help. Jo@theearlyyearscoach.com
I work with families, neurodivergent adults and those professionals supporting them in education and the NHS. work with me for 3 or 6 months to transform your 2024.
"Right now, our son has gone from not being able to cope with school and having to be withdrawn for certain lessons, to being back in school on a full timetable. The difference between then and now, is that he has support and we've been able to help school see things in a different light, while staying on the same team! Jo's coaching and perspective helped us get ready for meetings with the teaching team and the EHCP team from the council, and helped give us clarity about how to best advocate on our son's behalf. Because he feels more supported, our son is better able to trust the team around him and start pro-actively asking for time to regulate, alerting teachers to when he needs help, and even trying some calming strategies himself." EC, Parent
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