There are moments in life when we unexpectedly find ourselves in the role of an advocate, especially as parents. Whether you're a seasoned advocate or new to this journey, here are some principles to guide you through the process.
Get Curious!
Start by asking yourself: What are you noticing about the situation? Pay attention to the words you're using and the feelings that arise. How does your body feel as you think it through? Try changing your position, rolling your shoulders, or unclenching your jaw to see how it affects you.
Tune Into Your Nervous System
It's important to be a calm and competent collaborator when advocating. If your nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze mode, it can hinder your ability to communicate, partner, and solve problems effectively. Find ways to soothe your nervous system and become more aware of your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours.
Prepare for Difficult Conversations
When you need to have a tough conversation, gather evidence. Is the issue a one-off incident, or is there a pattern? Avoid knee-jerk emotional responses and instead, collect information such as:
Your child's perspective
An emotional regulation chart
Tracking sleep, lunchbox contents, and incident frequency
Use the NEFIART framework to structure your thoughts and communicate clearly in meetings:
Name the issue. Be specific, clear, and concise.
Explain with a specific example. "I've seen," "I've noticed."
Feelings. Describe your emotions and be vulnerable.
Importance. Clarify what’s at stake if the situation continues.
Accept your part. Acknowledge your contribution to the problem.
Resolve. Indicate your desire to solve the issue and change things.
Thoughts. Invite them to respond. "I’d like to know your thoughts."
Meeting Preparation
Who will be at the meeting? Ensure key stakeholders are present.
Why are you meeting? Align the agenda with your goals.
What does success look like at the end of the meeting?
How will you check on actions and measure impact?
Choose a time and place to communicate where you won’t be hurried or preoccupied, and emotions are less likely to be heightened.
The Power of the Pause
Before sending an email, write it and then sit on it for a bit. Revisit it to strip out emotive language and focus on facts and solutions. If initial discussions with the class teacher aren’t productive, escalate to the SENCo, Head Teacher, Governors, or local authority.
Stay Grounded
Acknowledge and feel your legitimate emotions, but don’t let them cloud your judgment or become destructive. Pausing can help protect relationships.
Get Things in Writing
Email can slow down interactions, allowing time to review and edit your concerns. It also gives the recipient time to respond thoughtfully and creates a paper trail.
Helpful Sentence Starters:
"I’m noticing..."
"I was wondering..."
"I think we would all agree..."
"I think the data shows..."
"Where is the evidence taking us?"
Remember the Relationship
Parents, teachers, and children must respect each other and work together. Understand your needs, know what will make a difference, and communicate clearly. Consider the risks of doing nothing and how advocating for your child's needs can help them thrive.
Feel free to get in touch at Jo@theearlyyearscoach.com for a free 30-minute call to discuss how we can work together over 3-6 months.
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