Smooth Transitions are always my aim, I'm hardwired to plan ahead and try to ease the process. As a Reception Teacher much of my summer term was spent focussed on transitioning children from various nursery settings into school and then passing on those ready for adventure in Year One. Often, there were big feelings to be named, leaned into and worked through. I’m going to share my thoughts with you, not only from my experiences as a teacher but also now having navigated this transition with my own three children (spoiler alert, it’s much harder on the parenting side!)
So first let’s focus on you, I provide a free resource, focusing on Smooth Transitions with prompts in the 100 days running up to the 1st September, I always start with the adult, we can be so focussed on the buying of shoes, labelling everything and filling in the paperwork, we don't have time to stop and check in with how we feel. When coaching families one of the most powerful takeaways is increased self awareness. Clients exclaim, “I didn’t know I felt like that!” Often, we don't know until we take time to step back, reflect and check in.
What are you unaware of as you consider the transition to this next phase?
What feelings or thoughts might be hiding just at the edge of your consciousness?
What beliefs are you still carrying with you from your own school experiences?
It can be a confusing time with mixed emotions but having a chance to process your thoughts and feelings first will hopefully ensure you have the capacity to partner your child as they navigate this next step. They need you to be the constant, setting the emotional tone and being their safe space.
Try reflecting on these prompts below. This could be through journaling, vision boarding, chatting with a spouse or talking to a coach.
What do you want September to feel like?
How do I feel about my child going to school?
Try and notice your thoughts and feelings without judging them or shutting them down.
Was there anything that surprised you?
Building meaningful connections:
Having time to check in with ourselves will help our capacity for connection with our children. It’s vital for children to have safe relationships and spaces from which to go and explore the world. What is your connection like right now? How might you increase this connection over the next few weeks? For some it might be looking for ways to show up with full focus for 10 minutes a day and challenging yourself to make them laugh, for others it might be looking at learning something new together and getting playful or creative. If you are losing days at home together, how might you plan some dates for weekends or the holidays that you can both look forward to? How can you increase that feeling of safety and love as you navigate this transition?
Decide what’s important:
Moving to the next life stage has the potential to be overwhelming so getting clear on what matters is key. Sometimes we get so preoccupied with fitting in we forget that our family's needs are unique and our way of life needs to reflect that. Is the priority getting to school on time or regulated? Ideally it would be both, but in times of transition what matters most? What are the non-negotiables? What can you cut out? If we can reduce the demands around eating breakfast or dressing, as confidence and capacity increases, you could gradually withdraw support or increase expectations.
Develop strategies:
Develop your own strategies so you can exit the house with the minimum fuss. A quick checklist on the back of the door helps children become independent and stops you from sounding like a broken record. Try starting off with two or three items, and grow the list as your child becomes more confident. Changing the clock so it runs five minutes fast, giving yourself plenty of time and being organised in advance is going to help everyone leave the house calmly. What have you used before? What might you like to try?
Get Outside:
Try using nature as a regulator “Sad child? Nature. Cranky child? Nature. Bored child? Nature. You’re welcome.” – Penny Whitehouse. Often when children are processing big feelings it can result in some big behaviours and getting outside gives space to work them through. What do you notice when your child is outside? Getting outside no matter the weather can have such a regulating effect.
“Children cannot bounce off the walls if we take away the walls” – Erin Kenny. How could you use nature to prepare your child for the day ahead? Could you walk a longer route to school past the river or wander through your garden watching the snail crawl along a leaf? Where might there be a tree to climb or somewhere to swing. Nature has a grounding effect on us but we can also increase regulation by including heavy work (proprioception) or vestibular input. Why not take a moment next time you are on the school run to notice how your child is preparing for the day.
Tuning in to what our brain is telling us:
I love talking to children about neuroscience, empowering our children with information is key. Our brains are fascinating and having a simple understanding of how they work can transform the way we use them. They are hardwired to protect us and keep us safe. The idea of starting school for the very first time, could, quite rightly, feel very unsafe. If you have only been with known adults in the family home, then being with lots of other children in an unfamiliar space might feel very unsafe. When our fight, flight, freeze response kicks in our brain is doing its job. We can celebrate that, thank it for the warning but calm our nervous system with some sensory strategies.
Looking at life through a sensory lens and using the body to calm the mind is an amazing tool. Have you noticed when your child is shut down or melting down it’s as if they can’t hear you. Their prefrontal cortex is off line and the amygdala is on protecting them from the dangers. When I see dysregulation I immediately think sensory. Going in through the body calms the nervous system and gradually brings them back to a state of regulation where they’ll have the capacity to process, talk and possibly find their own solutions.
Here are a few favourites:
Squashing, it gives lots of proprioception. It could look like wrapping them tightly in a
blanket and squashing them, rolling a swiss ball over them like a steam roller or piling sofa cushions on top of them and watching them struggle free.
Deep slow breaths, could look like having a pot of bubbles by the front door for blowing on the way to school, teaching some techniques of finger tracing or square breathing or getting playful and challenging them to blow a ping pong ball across the top of three full glasses of water.
Intense physical activity, what might be different if there was time for a run or you flipped a car tyre from one end of the playground to the other? How could you turn up the physical intensity of the morning routine to offer a chance to regulate?
Create a safe space. What might you need? Music, essential oils, soft blanket or hammock?
It is important to practise using those skills in those calm teachable moments. Where might you weave some regulating activities into your daily routine? When are they needed most?
Another way to hack your brain is to become friends with your Reticular Activating System (RAS), becoming familiar with how it works and the influence it has on day to day life. We have more control over how things turn out than we might realise. Once we know this, we can deploy it effectively to change our mindsets to look for solutions and possibilities. The RAS is like a funnel sorting the information coming into our brain. Quite simply, if we say it's going to be a bad day, we set that filter to hunt for information that will confirm we are having a bad day. In reverse, we can set our filter to look for the good in each day. What might you say to start the day well? Have you ever listened to your self talk? Do you spot times where your child shows you a glimpse of theirs? Do you ever challenge it and look for evidence? Being more mindful of the things we say to ourselves, especially when trying new experiences, can help us grow in self compassion, self trust and self command. Adding a gratitude practice, working on our growth mindset can be great ways to harness our brain’s power for good. As a family where might you reflect on the successes from the week? What were you able to learn from challenging situations? During this transition how could you start rewiring your brain?
Building resilience:
“If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original." Ken Robinson. September is new for all of you, there will be challenges, mistakes and frustrations as you all learn what this next phase of life will look like. What might you and your family do to increase your resilience? How well are you meeting your basic needs for safety, connection, movement, nutritious food or quality sleep? These can often be challenging for families but have a huge impact when we make time for them. Where might you find resilience is at its lowest? How might you prepare for illness or the after school restraint collapse? It’s likely that however happy your child is to go to school there will be times when the after school slot is loud, messy and overwhelming. Having spent a whole day listening, complying and often feeling out of control children can explode! Having experienced this many times, I try not to work right up to the last minute before collection, allowing myself time to pause and reset. I’m organised with snacks, drink, space, movement and low demand activities to help us navigate this tricky time of day. How might you prepare for pick up at the end of the day? What tools or strategies will you use to support emotional regulation at a potentially challenging time of the day?
During this period of adjusting to new routines, teachers or school for the very first time, what will be your focus? What might you need to say no to? What could wait until October Half Term? What will you do more of? I would love to hear some of your answers, come find me on social media.
If transition is tough in your house right now why not try coaching. 1:1 session are £90 each or book a block of 6/ 12 starting at £500.
Jo@TheEarlyYearCoach.com
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